I think affairs are essentially cowardly behavior. With every year that passes, she becomes more bitter and hostile at him for giving so little of himself to his family. It never occurs to him that he is supposed to "carry" his wife emotionally.
Not all men who have been dealt a lousy parental hand wind up as a passive-aggressive man. He hates conflict with his wife and withdraws as a means of avoidance. She said goodnight matter-of-factly and went to her bedroom. And that is the message many passive aggressive men received growing up. Financially, it is also impossible for me to leave right now, as I would have no way to rent an apartment While we are together I try hard to maintain a positive relationship with her for the benefit of the kids, but this too is hard as she is not an easy person to get along with. Instead of expressing your anger directly to your wife, you expressed it passively or passive-aggressively by having an affair. As you grow as a person in this assertive regard, maybe your marriage can grow with you to become something that is more pleasant for you both. A good marriage is one in which the dominant needs are met with the relationship, but where each spouse develops individual identity, interests and friendships. So, I actively sought out a high school sweetheart and rekindled the realtionship via the internet. And if you come from a Scream in the Closet family where one of your parents held the monopoly on anger and terrorized the family home, recognize the ghosts of these terrors that come up for you when your spouse is angry. No one on the face of the earth could hurt John more deeply than his own wife. With every year that passes, she becomes more bitter and hostile at him for giving so little of himself to his family. Anger is merely the ghost of a feeling. She begged and cried and I caved in and we got engaged, as I thought this would keep her happy for a while. She attacks him viciously for what she considers to be his deliberate insults, and bludgeons him for refusing to change. Extreme independence is as destructive to a relationship as total dependence. She had begged for his attention for months, but the slippage continued. When she changed her direction, Frank also threw his truck in reverse. These children often turn out as aggressive and narcissistic as their parents. Have I pushed her too far? Saying that you are resentful about your marriage is not the statement of a man who never gets angry. About thirty minutes later, Frank threw open the door and turned on the light. I am not proud of it. Passive-aggressive men feel that this is the first violation. She begins to look for ways to hurt her husband in return. Having the last word silences any protest, and sends contrary family anger into the closet where it belongs. Thus, he finds ways of escaping.
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