People with NPD consistently look for and groom people by using charm, false interest, and lavish gifts to get them to commit to a relationship. On the surface, and in public, the NPD parent is often unnoticeable as an abusive person. Some NPD parents can develop a reputation in the community as difficult, at least, and at worst be considered unpredictable and dangerous. On gift-giving occasions, she makes requests instead of graciously receiving the gift you choose for her.
Harsh maybe; truthful, you bet. Judicial Intervention Ultimately, true intervention for the child can only come from the court system, as this is the only institution that a narcissist respects and fears. This is, in essence, a form of mind control and torture well known to survivors of POW camps. The personality disordered parent can slip up sometimes, letting their real character show. They were terrified to keep them on, and terrified to take them off. All of life is a performance. Instead of blaming the parent, a loving child might take on the responsibility for the negativity and sacrifice their self esteem. The latter child may be treated like a little prince or princess by the parent, at the expense of any other siblings who have chosen a different path of coping. The neglect, abuse, rage, lack of empathy, and emotional games can be so overwhelming they can make a child grow to expect that kind of treatment in all their relationships, develop insecure attachments, or to distrust people and abandon emotional intimacy altogether. Mom might be the helicoptering PTA president, squeaky-clean Sunday school teacher or long-suffering martyred momma who appears to put her children first. This is even more true in the case of a child with an NPD parent, since that child intimately knows the unpredictability, implied threats, and intense rages that the parent demonstrates. And they do not really care what kind of reaction it is, as long as they get a reaction. When you question her or ask for clarification, she becomes immediately defensive and fires back at you. On gift-giving occasions, she makes requests instead of graciously receiving the gift you choose for her. Gift giving has a push me, pull me feel. In fact, they will at times use their children as levers in public situations to get others to back down or give them what they want. We can do better. These children often adapt by either erasing themselves, sacrificing their own needs, developing PTSD, or joining the 'winning' side and becoming narcissists themselves. When she gives you gifts, there are always strings attached. When you have something going on in your life and are unable to immediately attend to her, she quickly becomes resentful. The child victims of NPD parents are simply there to supply the parent with admiration and ego-boosting reassurance; the parent needs the child to adore and agree with them always, something that the child gets very skilled at doing when in the presence of the parent. An individual with NPD absolutely needs to see reactions in the people around them in order to reassure themselves of an identity. This might happen when the parent, intent on what they want, creates an embarrassing public scene with the child present. The NPD Parent Young children of a mother or father who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder are genuine victims of their parent and the disorder—as much as any child who lives through life with an addicted parent, or one guilty of physical or sexual abuse. It might help your case if you kept a journal documenting exchanges or a folder full of emails and screengrabs of text messages. On the surface, and in public, the NPD parent is often unnoticeable as an abusive person. You get push back if you try and set healthy boundaries.
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